Can someone please just grab my hand?

Today is one of those days when I just want to get away as far as possible from where I currently am. It has been a routinary life for me and it feels like I’m losing my sanity for not doing something new. I need to go somewhere far and experience life.

For the past months, all I did was study and read books. I know I chose this path, but think I deserve a break. I don’t want to lose the part of me who loves adventure and spontaneity. If only I can replicate myself and do so many things at the same time.  

I just want to feel the sun on my neck again, the dirt on my shoes, the catching of my breath. I just want to not think for once. I just want to be lost even just for a day.

Can someone please just grab my hand?

Sleepless

Every night, you and I would have our long hours of conversations. Conversations that I always look forward to at the end of my routinary day. Conversations that make me understand more about the complexities of life. Conversations that make me know you more, that make me love you more than I did the night before.

 Most of the times I find it easy to understand you, but there are also times when I cannot comprehend what you are saying. Sometimes you seem to be so sweet, sometimes you torture me.  I have grown to get used to that love-hate relationship of ours. But I always make sure not to let the night pass having a misunderstanding with you. It may take a lot of time and energy from me in making sure that we are good, but it’s definitely worth it.

It is true that some get my attention, too. There are times when my heart gets weak and just want to give up on us. But you have to understand, I am not that perfect. I just want you to be patient with me same as I am with you. You just have to remember that it’s you whom I’ll always go back to. You are my life now and I can’t afford to lose you.

You are the reason for my sleepless nights. You are all I think about now. I love you and nothing will ever change that.

*Love letter to my Medical textbooks. 

Of rain and love songs

Mojofly’s Tumatakbo seems appropriate to be my life’s theme song for the moment. While most of my batchmates are busy getting married, building families and having children, I am stuck in my own crazy little world called Med School.

Don’t get me wrong, I love where I am now, and I won’t trade it for anything. Maybe I’m just curious, curious about how love works. Believe me or not, but in my 22 years of existence, I have never been inlove and never been in an intimate relationship.  From the books I’ve read and the movies I’ve watched, falling inlove seems to be an easy task. And from what I have observed, all that needs to be done is get to know that other person, find shared interests, exchange flirtations then voila!

What in the formula have I been doing wrong then? You’d probably say that I’m being choosy or I’m probably setting a little too high of a standard, but I’m not. It’s just that, I haven’t really felt it. Or have I? I don’t know. How does it feel to fall inlove anyway? Are the slow motions real? How about the “magical silence” and the “fast forward”? How do you know that that moment is already falling in love? Will you actually even know?

Too many questions. And I doubt I will be getting answers anytime sooner.  I should probably just go back to reading Snell and Guyton. Besides, I don’t think I will be having extra time to go searching for someone to fall inlove with anyway.

My life for the next five years

I was having this dilemma for the past week and I couldn't bring myself to the right decision. Until a friend told me that I should take it as my first medical school lesson- that I will have to sacrifice a few things from now on, for the next five years. After all, medical school is my priority.

I had a prior schedule of attending a meeting in Dumaguete when the date for the freshman orientation was released. Unfortunately, it overlapped with my Dumaguete trip. Both of the events were really important to me. The former was my idea of having closure to my current job as a researcher. It would be the last work-related affair that I would be attending to. Moreover, it was a travel opportunity and I was giddy of the idea of exploring a new place. But then again, I also couldn't miss the orientation since it is already part of the medicine program. I couldn't imagine going to the first day of classes not knowing anything about what I have signed up for. Besides, the partner hospital would not allow any medical student to do clinical rotations without complying with the orientation.

After having so much thought about it, I decided to go to the orientation and just ignored the fact that I wasted a Php7000-worth round trip plane ticket. And I am glad I did.

One month ago, I was having a hard time accepting the fact that two medical schools declined my application. My heart wasn’t just broken, it was shattered. But I needed to move on. I pushed my luck and applied again to a medical school near my hometown. It was my last option, so I had my fingers crossed. The third time really is a charm and true enough, I finally got accepted to a medical school as a pioneer batch.

So far, so good. I am learning more of what the school has to offer, of what they have for me and the rest of the students during our stay.

There are actually a lot of challenges yet to be encountered but this is what I have always wanted. And from what I hear, the school will be sending us to geographically-isolated areas where there are people who have not actually seen real doctors their whole lives. I am actually excited about this; we are not just going to learn, this is also an opportunity to serve. Plus, after all, I am not going to miss my monthly dose of adventure.

Whatever it is that lies ahead of me, I welcome it with all the courage I have saved up my entire life; of course, with my game-face mode on.